Trust
Reminder: It's time for your Weekly 1:1™
Today's agenda: Trust
The question on the table: What if trust is a decision you make - not a reward you hand out?
Trust is a decision.
Most of the time, we talk about trust like it's something that has to be accumulated - like you start with a little, and then someone demonstrates enough good behavior over enough time that you gradually extend more, and eventually they've earned the full version of it. I understand why we operate that way. If you've had enough experiences where your trust was misplaced, the idea of leading with it can feel genuinely foolish, and I don't think that's wrong. That's lived experience doing exactly what it's supposed to do.
I just happen to do it differently.
My default is to extend trust first, before anyone has proven anything to me, simply because I've decided to. It feels lighter that way, more optimistic, like I'm walking into a relationship or a situation already expecting things to go well. There's something about leading with trust that changes the quality of how I show up, and that matters to me as much as the outcome itself.
What makes it work, though, isn't optimism on its own. I have to pair that trust with clear communication from the very beginning: being honest about what I need, naming what isn't working before it quietly becomes a real problem, having the conversation rather than hoping things will sort themselves out. Trust can be generous, but the communication has to be too, or the whole thing goes sideways.
And yes, sometimes people have broken my trust. When it happens, I try to look at it honestly rather than just absorbing it and moving on. There's a phrase that comes back to me in those moments: trust but verify. I don’t see that as a way of closing down, but as a way of moving forward with clearer eyes, and updating my expectations without abandoning the instinct that got me there in the first place.
I like who I am when I lead with trust. I like the version of my relationships that starts from good faith, that assumes the best before there's any evidence either way. The other approach (waiting, watching, making someone earn it before you give it) feels like protection, and sometimes it is necessary. But it also signals something to the other person before they've done a single thing wrong. Some people feel that, and it can change how they show up before anything has even had a chance to begin.
Starting with trust is a risk, but so is withholding it. The question is really just which one you can live with, and which one reflects the kind of person you actually want to be.
The question I'll leave you with this week:
Is trust something you extend, or something you make people earn - and whichever way you answer that, does it feel like a choice you're making, or just a habit you've never quite examined?
Lisa English, ACC, CMM is a Leadership and Executive Coach with deep expertise in Events, Travel and Hospitality. The Weekly 1:1™ publishes every Tuesday at 8am PT. Subscribe at lisaenglishsg.substack.com or subscribe below.