“I should already have the answers by now”
Reminder: It’s time for your Weekly 1:1™
Today’s agenda: “I should already have the answers by now”
The question on the table: What if needing help isn’t the problem - it’s the belief that you shouldn’t?
Before we start: Pour another cup of tea and take a few minutes for yourself. This one is worth sitting with.
When the topic of coaching comes up, I’ve noticed a quiet hesitation. It goes something like this: “I think I’m a little past the point where I should need that kind of help.” Or: “Honestly, at this stage of my career, I feel like I should already have this figured out.”
I understand it. I really do. There’s a version of that thought that makes complete sense - you’ve put in the years, you’ve earned the experience, you’ve navigated enough hard things to know you’re capable. The idea that you might benefit from someone helping you think through your own life and leadership can feel, at first, like a step backward.
The people who resist coaching the longest are often the ones who would benefit from it the most. Capability and growth are not the same thing. You can be very good at what you do and still be operating below what’s actually possible for you.
Think about professional sports for a moment. The best athletes in the world, at the absolute peak of their careers, all have coaches. Nobody looks at Serena Williams and says she must not be talented enough because she has a coach. Nobody questions whether a top quarterback’s reliance on his coaching staff means he doesn’t really know the game.
The coach isn’t evidence of a gap. The coach is evidence of commitment to being as good as possible for as long as possible. Leadership is no different.
The belief that you should have all the answers by now is understandable, but it’s also a little lonely when you think about it. It means carrying everything yourself. It means nowhere to think out loud without it costing you something. It means your growth becomes entirely dependent on what you can see from where you’re already standing.
A coach gives you a different vantage point. We don’t seek coaching because we are lost, we seek coaching because even when we know exactly where we are, we can benefit from someone asking the questions that nobody else in our lives is asking.
What I hear most often from people who finally make the decision to invest in themselves with coaching is this: they wish they hadn’t waited so long. What they discover on the other side of that decision? Asking for support isn’t a sign that something is missing - it’s actually one of the most sophisticated things a leader can do. The ability to step back, observe yourself honestly, and invite someone into that process takes more self-awareness than most people ever develop.
That’s not weakness. That’s leadership at its best.
The question I’ll leave you with this week:
When was the last time someone asked you a question that stayed with you?
Lisa English, ACC, CMM is a Leadership and Executive Coach and Strategic Consultant with deep expertise in Events, Travel and Hospitality. The Weekly 1:1™ publishes every Tuesday at 8am PT. Subscribe at lisaenglishsg.substack.com or subscribe below.